This year has seen me start a deeply personal journey. I will probably share some aspects of this, in this little corner of blogosphere. Suffice to say, it started off unexpectedly, and quite by accident. However, here I am, and since this is where I am, accepting and being fully present in where I am is the order of the day.
Part of this journey has brought me, in the past several days, to figure out exactly who I am. This seems rather silly, perhaps, but for me, I truly believe this is at the root of my journey and at the base of all that is figuring out who I am. To also be doing this at the age of 36...well, one would think that by this time, I would have a pretty firm grasp of just who I am; however, I feel and feel strongly, that I do not.
Quite often, I feel as though I've done what others have expected of me...that I've been caught up in the expectations of others. I know that I have certainly fallen into the trap, consistently, over my life, of being too concerned about what others think of me, expect of me, and want of me. It's a rather stifling way to live, as I'm finding out just now...and tiring, especially emotionally. I think part of me has avoided sitting down and thinking through (writing out, even). The reason being, if I don't acknowledge it, even to myself, I don't have to change...I don't have to deal with the things about myself that aren't so hip and happening.
Right now, I'm feeling so purposeful and determined to wrap my mind around this, to get my hands on it, and truly know who I am...find out who I truly am under all of this stuff. Somehow, I've lost myself over the past few years...I've become buried under the fog, maze and miasma called depression. While I struggle with SADD, and probably always will, it's been more depression on top of that. I'm finally starting to see a light at the end of this, and am pursuing therapy for this and other things. I feel like I have hope, determination, and a purpose. I feel like I'm slowly rediscovering who I am, who God created me to be...all my quirks, idiosyncrasies...and all the good and cool things about me. In all of this, my aim is to further glorify God, and be the best "me" that I can be for my Audience of One, and also my family. I'm needing to get to that place where I am content with myself and know without a doubt who I am, what makes me tick, and what makes me tic (!).
One of my goals with this, is to work through some of this stuff, here in this little corner of the blog world that's mine. So, with that said, I leave this here for now, and will pop back on hopefully weekly, to hash out some things here on my couch, with a cup of coffee. Join me, yes?!
Right now, I'm feeling so purposeful and determined to wrap my mind around this, to get my hands on it, and truly know who I am...find out who I truly am under all of this stuff. Somehow, I've lost myself over the past few years...I've become buried under the fog, maze and miasma called depression. While I struggle with SADD, and probably always will, it's been more depression on top of that. I'm finally starting to see a light at the end of this, and am pursuing therapy for this and other things. I feel like I have hope, determination, and a purpose. I feel like I'm slowly rediscovering who I am, who God created me to be...all my quirks, idiosyncrasies...and all the good and cool things about me. In all of this, my aim is to further glorify God, and be the best "me" that I can be for my Audience of One, and also my family. I'm needing to get to that place where I am content with myself and know without a doubt who I am, what makes me tick, and what makes me tic (!).
One of my goals with this, is to work through some of this stuff, here in this little corner of the blog world that's mine. So, with that said, I leave this here for now, and will pop back on hopefully weekly, to hash out some things here on my couch, with a cup of coffee. Join me, yes?!
